When Class You As TOOOOOOOO Needy

Being too clingy, desperate, and needy is a sure fire way to repel men (even the ones who want to “fix” or “rescue” women), wreck your relationships, and further damage your already fragile self-esteem.

We get clingy and needy because we’re starving for attention and affirmation, and when you’re desperate for those things, you stop spending time building our own life, and simply start scanning for any possible source for a “fix."

I know, that’s drug junkie language. And it fits in this situation, because what you need to do is break your addiction, and get yourself back to good emotional health.

 

Last time I wrote about the “Are You Too Needy“, and this week I’ll show you a few more ways to tackle and defeat neediness once and for all…

Dear MMMMM,

I recently finished a 2 year relationship I know many reasons why I didn’t have the relationship I wanted. Not long after that, I started to see someone new but I also made many mistakes and became needy too quick and now the guy I was seeing won’t call me anymore. This is after him saying he really liked me and being super interested in me. How can I fix that? If I contact him I’m going to look more needy but even though I am living my life and flirting with guys and everything, he won’t ever find out about it because he won’t call. How can I make him chase me now? At this stage if I don’t contact him he will never contact me and he can never notice the change I am going through. – J

 

It sounds counter-intuitive, J, but to have any chance at all, you’ve got to stop focusing on this one guy. I know you’re doing this already, but throw yourself into dating and following your passions — and let him see what a fantastic life you’re living.

 

You don’t have to wait for him to call in order to convince him that you’re happily investing yourself into your life. Post a few teasers (even some photos of you having a blast) on your public profiles, like Facebook, or Instagram. You can even invite him to join you on something you’re planning, but the trick is that you should go no matter what.

 

That way he begins to understand that…

 

a) You’re moving on (in the best kind of way), and

 

b) He will miss out on the awesome if he doesn’t get on board.

 

But listen: it’s not just about convincing him: the real person you need to convince is YOU. Like you said already, you need to go through some serious change. And you’re DEFINITELY not the only one; lots of women struggle with this.

 

Here are a few more ways to stop feeling desperate, and start winning the attention of lots of guys once again: Build Yourself Up1. Work toward your beautiful future.

 

What are your top 3 goals for life right now? Get busy and make a plan for meeting those goals and work your plan. Invest in your passions. Follow your dreams!

 

2. Expand your social network

If you only ever spend time with one or two girlfriends, now is the time to start renewing and expanding your circle of friends, coaches, and mentors.

 

3. Get help where you need it

If you’re stuck, spend some time getting help from a emotionally healthy friend or advisor.

Change Your Dating Approach1. Make a dating plan and timeline

Decide what your goal in dating is going to be. Are you dating for fun or commitment? If the latter, how long are you willing to invest in a particular guy before you determine whether he’s commitment material or not and move on?

 

2. Date lots of guys

I say this all the time because it’s the best possible way to make a man who is really interested in you realize your worth, and understand that other men are going to be competing for your attention. It’s also a good way to learn what you like in a man. You gotta stop putting all your focus on one guy!

 

3. Slow down

When you do start seeing someone, don’t go “all in” so soon. Keep your friends close and don’t stop doing all the other things you’re doing in life. And above all, slow down the pace of communication. Don’t respond to every text, call, or “like” instantly. You have other stuff to do!

 

Showcase Your “New and Improved” Life1. Post some photos and updates on your social profiles

And don’t forget the power of friends, co-workers, and other acquaintances talking about the exciting things you’re doing

 

2. Invite him out (and have a blast!)

It’s completely okay for you to invite a man out. Your best bet is to make it a group outing, and something that has a slight edge of danger to it. Think zip lining, watching a scary movie, go-carts, or anything that gets both your pulses racing.

 

Learn from your mistakes, and move on with fresh confidence

 

Remember, making mistakes doesn’t make you a screw-up. Making mistakes is proof that you’re actively trying. Instead of smacking yourself on the forehead and saying, “What was I thinking?” take a moment to breathe deeply and ask “What was I learning?” instead.

You’re going to be great. Keep working it!