Now that I have identified the personality trait that predisposes her/him to that unusual quirk, I ask myself what benefits I personally receive because of those personality traits she/he has. Here’s a quick list that comes to my mind now as I think about it:
- I can trust her/him. I know who she/he is and who she/he is not. There’s no anxiety about how she/he secretly feels about a relationship with me or anyone else.
- She/He doesn’t care that my face is peeling from a sunburn when we go to meet her/his parents.
- She/He gives me matter of fact advice with no awkwardness or hesitation when I ask her opinion about things.
I could go on and on, but you get the point. I mentally frame the annoying behaviour in the context of things I like about her/him, and voila! Suddenly I find myself easily dismissing the angst that was building inside me just a moment earlier.
And now a warning:
Quirks reveal things about your partner’s personality. Most of those quirks are harmless, annoying features of their behaviour. However, there are a few quirks that speak to an underlying incompatibility you should seriously consider.
The nature of quirks is that the person who does them is generally unaware that they are doing them, or unaware that other people find those behaviours odd or annoying. As a result, they often reveal things about a person’s personality that they might otherwise choose to hide from you during the early stages of a dating relationship.
If she/he chooses to hide the fact that her/his car is always messy, it probably is not a really big deal. If you are a very conscientious person, maybe it would be a big deal to you, but probably something most people could live with. However, if she/he is trying to hide a cynical, sarcastic personality trait that reveals itself in the quirk of occasionally berating a waitress with unnecessarily harsh criticisms, consider how that same trait may transfer to the way he treats you, or your children at some point in the future.
He/She may laugh, smile, and go back to his pleasant interaction pattern just thirty seconds after tearing the waitress a part. If he does this, don’t be fooled. That kind of little quirk signals the presence of a monster lurking beneath the surface. That monster could be an anger monster, a manipulator monster, or the monster of untamed narcissism.
I don’t mean to scare you. I’m only pointing out the obvious, trying to raise your awareness of a simple tool that can improve your relationships. Here’s the recap. No one is perfect, so when you find a pretty good man/woman, learn to appreciate the personality traits that cause her/ him to have a few quirks. Quirks are also unconscious signals of personality traits (much of the time). As such, they are useful tools for recognizing personality traits the person may suppress when in your presence.
now another perspective
.
And now a warning:
Quirks reveal things about your partner’s personality. Most of those quirks are harmless, annoying features of their behaviour. However, there are a few quirks that speak to an underlying incompatibility you should seriously consider.
The nature of quirks is that the person who does them is generally unaware that they are doing them, or unaware that other people find those behaviours odd or annoying. As a result, they often reveal things about a person’s personality that they might otherwise choose to hide from you during the early stages of a dating relationship.
If she/he chooses to hide the fact that her/his car is always messy, it probably is not a really big deal. If you are a very conscientious person, maybe it would be a big deal to you, but probably something most people could live with. However, if she/he is trying to hide a cynical, sarcastic personality trait that reveals itself in the quirk of occasionally berating a waitress with unnecessarily harsh criticisms, consider how that same trait may transfer to the way he treats you, or your children at some point in the future.
He/She may laugh, smile, and go back to his pleasant interaction pattern just thirty seconds after tearing the waitress a part. If he does this, don’t be fooled. That kind of little quirk signals the presence of a monster lurking beneath the surface. That monster could be an anger monster, a manipulator monster, or the monster of untamed narcissism.
I don’t mean to scare you. I’m only pointing out the obvious, trying to raise your awareness of a simple tool that can improve your relationships. Here’s the recap. No one is perfect, so when you find a pretty good man/woman, learn to appreciate the personality traits that cause her/ him to have a few quirks. Quirks are also unconscious signals of personality traits (much of the time). As such, they are useful tools for recognizing personality traits the person may suppress when in your presence.
now another perspective
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