Words Or Wisdom

WE Don't Lose Friends! WE Just Learn WHO Our Friends REALY ARE.

Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

Fake people never surprise me these days. Loyal and forgiving people do.

Words cannot hurt you, unless the words said, came by the person you care about the most.

The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears. And the kindest hearts have felt the most pain.

Sometimes you miss the memories, not the person.

Don't waste your time on revenge. Those who hurt you will eventually face their own karma.
Haters will broadcast your failure, but whisper your success..

Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong. It just means that you value your relationships more than your ego.

Respect is earned, Honesty is appreciated, Love is gained and Loyalty is returned.

Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That's why most women wear makeup and most men lie.

The less you care, the happier you will be.

I rather have an honest enemy than a fake friend.

Sometimes you have to shut up, swallow your pride and accept that you’re wrong. It’s not giving up, it’s called growing up.

A pretty face is nothing if you have an ugly heart.

Twitter has a bird as its logo, that's why when you join you're an egg. And your home button is a birdhouse. Why am I just getting this?

Why do we close our eyes when we pray, cry, kiss or dream? Because the most beautiful things in life are not seen but felt by the heart.

Someone who really loves you sees what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, how hard u are to handle, but still wants u in their life.

If you're absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success.

Don't cry because they left. Just smile because they gave you a chance to find someone better.

I don't regret the things I've done, I regret the things I didn't do when I had the chance.

Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour.

You never just stop loving someone, either you always will, or you never did in the first place.

The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging, and you have to act like you don't care at all.

When a someone tells you about their problems, it does not mean they complains. It means they trusts you.

God has perfect timing; never early, never late. It takes a little patience and faith, but it's worth the wait.

The worst feeling is pretending you don't care about someone, when really they are all you think about.

God doesn't make mistakes. Trust it, when someone ends up in your past, they're there for a reason.

If you don't fight for what you want, don't cry for what you lost.

Breathe. It's just a bad day, not a bad life.

You get in the biggest fights with the people you care about the most, because they are the relationships you're willing to fight for.

No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive.

Honestly, I don't have time to hate people who hate me cause I'm too busy loving people who love me.

Don’t judge my choices if you don’t understand my reasons.

The words I love you: I am sorry: Please forgive me: and Thank you , need to be said.. as it is those words which make life a live and have meaning.. when a per...son say's them, it is up to you bo believe them or not.. and the person saying them has to really mean them for them to be taken seriously.. Do not kid around when they are said.. Same is for asking someone to marry them... and these words are not a joke..

Sometimes you have to care less, in order to see if they'll care more....

I found that who I am is unimportant. What I do is more important. Inspire creative passions which you were born to achieve and be, is!

I don't forgive people because I'm weak. I forgive them because I am strong enough to know people make mistakes.

Hate the fact that you ignore me for so long, then you start talking to me like nothing happened.

I love my mom no matter what we go through, no matter how much we argue, because I know, at the end, she'll always be there.

Looking at a photograph and wishing you could re-live that moment over and over again.

No one has the right to judge you. They might have heard your stories, but they didn't feel what you were going through.

Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

Strangers can become best friends just as easy as best friends can become strangers.

I don't hate you, I never will. I just act like I do, because it's easier than admitting that I miss you.

If you don't do stupid things while you're young, you'll have nothing to smile about when you're old.

If you truly love someone, all you want is for them to be happy, even if deep down, all you want is for you to be their happiness.

Appreciate those who love you. Help those who need you. Forgive those who hurt you. Forget those who leave you.

Sometimes it’s a good thing to have fake people in this world. It helps you find out who your real friends are.

Over-thinking ruins you. Ruins the situation, twists things around, makes you worry and just makes everything much worse than it actually is.

The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.

Just because you can't see the air, doesn't mean you stop breathing. Just because you can't see God doesn't mean you stop believing.

I want to write "I miss you" on a rock and throw it at your face so you know how much it hurts to miss you.

Things will get worse before they get better. But when they do, remember who put you down and who helped you up.

No matter how busy a person is, if they really care, they'll always find time for you.

One of the hardest parts of life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder.

Never give up on something you really want. It's difficult to wait, but more difficult to regret.

We don't lose friends. We just learn who our real ones are.

Its funny how you can do nice things for people all the time and they never notice. But once you make one mistake, its never forgotten.

Good things come to those who wait... Better things come to those who don't give up... and the best things come to those who believe.

Just because we don't talk doesn't mean I don't think about you. I'm just trying to distance myself because I know I can't have you.

Everyone comes into your life for a reason, some for good or bad, they may shape us, break us, but in the end they make us who we are.

Don't trust too much. Don't love too much. Don't hope too much. Because that too much can hurt you so much.

Where ever you are, be there totaly. If your are here and now makes you unhappy, you hae three options: a) Remove yourself,b) Change it, c) Accept it totally.

Life's not about people who act true to your face. It's about people who remain true behind your back.

I'd much rather have an enemy who can admit that they hate me, than to have a "friend" whose mission is to put me down secretly.

Don't promise when you're happy, Don't reply when you're angry, and don't decide when you're sad.

Grades don't measure intelligence and age doesn't define maturity.

Being in a relationship is not about kissing, dates or showing off. It's about being with the person who makes you happy.

Sometimes you have to let things go, so there's room for better things to come into your life.

Stop caring what people think. Stop taking caution in your actions, listen to what you want, do what you want, this is your life. Live it.

No one is perfect.. there are always mistakes.. it is your integrity which keeps you who you are abel you can forgive and move on from mistakes or you can live in mistakes and get swallowed up and forgotten in mistakes..

Do what you have to do today so you can do what you want tomorrow. What you to really want is a life us that takes pride that you have lived, and that takes work. The only way that we can truly live, is to grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change.  The only way to change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way we can become exposed is if we are willing to place ourselves out there and work through life’s difficulties.

A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory.

Do what you have to do today so you can do what you want tomorrow. What you to really want is a life us that takes pride that you have lived, and that takes work. The only way that we can truly live, is to grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change.  The only way to change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way we can become exposed is if we are willing to place ourselves out there and work through life’s difficulties.

 

My PArt History in Life.

Human beings are deeply trusting. While many of us soon learn to develop suspicions and misgivings, our natural immediate inclination is to believe what we are informed, regardless of who is telling us. This is what makes us venerable. It is also what makes us grateful, wonderful beings, inspirational, and extraordinary. We live in a compiles, clever society.

A few of the older ones stop trusting and believing and this is where we stop experiencing life. We may have many good reasons, to question the information that we are given, there is still place for benefit of doubt on that level. Do not give up trusting as the person who you decide not to trust maybe the innocent one who ends up the loyalist friend you will ever have and to have them in your life is an experience you don't want to miss.

We could choose to create a long list of all the things we are unable to do..
we could begin what ever our current circumstances prohibit us from doing...add to the activities we have never been able to participate in and then .......you know what?

I am tired of this exercise already, arn't you?What is the point? It is not just futile, it is counterproductive.

You/ We should and can be looking instead at what is possible...

This list is so much more, longer and it is worth giving our time to as it is really serious consideration and it gives you a happier outlook on what you have achieved and what is achievable with us...

To think too much can cloud the real organ and that is the heart.. that pumps life into us beings and show you more than the mind can ever know..

Interesting thoughts...
Then again, you are the only person who can choose their way of life.. just make sure you have all the points and all the views before you judge another as you could be judging yourself.. Can you judge another when you cannot judge yourself, Really?

Do you also know that when you give your time to others without payment ..in the eye of the law you are worthless as you are not earning an income...Fascinating that this has happened..
Specially when everyone is calling for volunteers...

What else is there to be written? Love, Trust, caring, compassion, belief, your responsibility, your word and your integrity is always being judged within the first 2 seconds of introduction.. Why do people judge covers and never bother to know what is inside.. A business man could be a child rapist and the old turn person, could be the one to trust first...the well dressed man looks trusting and well off... then maybe not...see what is there and know what is on the inside..

I trusted and I still do and I know I am vulnerable, but I believe in people, their talents, their being, their love and them selves, not what the outside looks like.. There are always rough diamonds and there are always false diamonds who look like diamonds but are not..then again you have to choose who you like or not.. just thoughts of someone who knows nothing about your lives but everything about mine..

My father tried to kill me at the age of 8 years old.. then a man stepped in front of me to protect me and he ended up being stabbed on my behalf.. he died.. truth is there.(He did try to do that on many occasions, try to end my life as well as my mothers, he was not himself when that happened, even scary as it was, I Loved him).
My father was in WWII and saw many things and sometimes when he was angry or drunk... he would have flash backs...I knew this..

I cannot take back what he did but I understand where he came from... he knew many Hollywood stars and they were great friends with bonds which are never broken... And with all the knowing and the pain which came with my father, I LOVED him for who he was.. Even in danger to myself, I cared and loved him... many thought I should not.. but you see it is when people are in need, it is when you should be there for them, no matter what because I was his daughter and I Really Loved him and could not assist him through his pain, but be there when he wanted me.. Same thing with my mother.. I LOVED THEM AND I Took the time to understand them even when I was a child..

Sharing this with you seems pointless unless I believed it would assist you to expand and understand..
the only time I had great hatred in my heart was when My Niece was murdered...And the man who did this hung himself in Campbelltown Court house Jail.. in 1988 October..
I have seen now that he was ill, on drugs and two personalities.. bipolar and his mother was found as the cause of it through the glebe court.. There is so much more and in-depth to all these things. Yes. Real life is interesting.. and surreal. There is calm and storms and non are controlled. You have the choices to make. Make them and then if that does not work for you choose another choice.

You can move on from great pain and you can trust, life is fascinating, interesting and confronting.. And there is great love there, if you allow trust in your life with communication..

I could and maybe seem to play a victim, although you judge me already. I am really a survivor.

I found that who I am is unimportant. What I do is more important. Inspire creative passions which you were born to achieve and be, is!

Darkness and shaddows

Darkness in my friend, the light shows me what ways I am to travel...choices
i make but the warmth of my love keeps me warm at night..
Believing in you...believing in me...

The sense of propriety. Is it merely an illusion?

Want to know something? Mmm

Want to know something amazing.

Life is empty and meaningless...

How is that you ask?

We each place our own meaning on our lives...mmm..

Interesting? Yes/no?

Since birth, all the negative words stuck to us...like glue...family, friends strangers...all of the so called jokes which others found funny at your expanse...stuck to us.

Our bodies absorbed it all...

Yet those positive words were overwhelmed but those negative opinions, jokes...arguments...

Can you give yourself positive feedback or it is negative?

You neither exists beyond your own imagination...how’s that?

When you were a child you were praised for smiling or Burping and scolded for crying, throwing food on the floor, tormenting the Animals, not doing your homework, etc.

Every negative word.. was introduced to us by...get this.. you'll love it...your family.. your friends.. who by the way. . made jokes .. about all of it..mmmm

Communication is the greatest key to a loving and understanding relationship...building that love and trust.. taking it for granted, is taking life for granted. opening your mouth and saying what you really feel, admiringly might hurt the first time, but it tell people where you truly stand. Lies give false hope and you caused it. No one is at blame except you. Taking responsibility for your own actions is the greatest thing and you established your own integrity. You word then has meaning and a bond to it.

Laugh...do you realise that each name calling, blame etc....as you were growing up...Stuck to you like glue?
This comes up in you and me every emotional moment.
yes.. every emotional moment..

You placed important meaning to them...you interpreted them...into your mind...one way or another...they stuck to you...and many never realise it...

mmmmm..Interesting...

Well what else were you to do? After hearing all that while You were growing up...you lost yourselves, including me, you were given Feedback by others on your movements, knowledge and emotions, we all grew up

With those in placed by others.

Then there is a continuous drone of gurus telling us about  we should feel about ourselves. We are too enlightened and yet we are Clueless...including them.

Mother Nature controls us. We are one in 5000 mammals within

A larger group of 1.7 million known species. We might be more advanced than

That of a monkey, that doesn’t always translate into brilliance.

Relatively speaking, of course we make choices every day.

You choose your hairstyle, your brand of toothpaste and toppings. In
absolute sense,

However, this is all bitter sweet, your genes and environmental conditioning

That are doing the choosing for you... there is not a you but from the
natural

Building blocks

We are informed of this and that, how to preserve and talk, what is right
and what is wrong in our lives. So, much so that people get depressed and committee
suicide. That is a long term solution to a short term problem.

Choose Love in the real meaning. Not judging others, allowing others to be
who they are meant to be. Creators of their own lives. Allow them Joy and
laughter, don’t torment them with wisecracks and smart remarks as the only
person who is really affected in that is you. People won’t want to be around
you for that long. Short term friendships, with lasting effects.

The source of so much of your unhappiness is entrenched

Belief that we are choosing our behaviour, often choosing poorly. This
belief

Is the stone in your shoe as you hobble through life?

Drop the distressing theory of human behaviour and replace

It with a new one:" Everyone’s doing the best they can with what life
has given them."

Straight forward, compact enough to slap on the refrigerator

As a reminder, and at least as plausible as any theory you have dreamed up
so Far. With that irritation stone removed from that shoe, you discover
lightness in your step. You’ll stroll through life feeling grateful for what you have been given and sympathy towards those who were given less. Freed from bondage of judgement, you will live in perpetual state of forgiveness.

Adopt the idea that we are all doing the best we can with what we have in our lives now...and each day.

Give respect and acknowledgements for the great things in life. Let the other stuff on the side and grow your life to what it is.. Create your lives, embrace others and empower everyone in trust, friendships and love. Forget the
other stuff.. don't get crazy.. respect and honour your word, deeds and truth.

Enjoy life and not place others under, praise their skills and their
abilities, then your a leader of millions ==

 

Faith in ME

Have a little faith in me

When The road is dark and you can no longer see..

Then my love with give a small spake.

have a little faith me..

When tears your cry all you can believe in  just give these loven arms a try

Have a little faith me..

I been loving for all this long time..

without expecting anything in return...

asking back in kind, just a little faith in me..

As time is our friend as i hold you up when you have a little faith in me..

Sometimes there seems there are so many thing we cannot control.. earthquakes, news, people

There are many more of those things which we can.

Like forgiveness, second chances,  fresh starts

The one thing that changes the world from a lonely place to beautiful place is love

Love in any of it’s forms gives us hope

THERE IS NO DANGER WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE,IS IT DANGEROUS FOR ME TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

When you took one took, One look at me and in that moment...

You felt deep inside of you the bonds,

It was then, I was overwhelmed with pride.

Your mine tonight...

You’re eyes are bright,

In your heart is light.

In the dead of this night,

Just hold me tight.

Stars and I are here tonight under the crescent moon..

.Kissing you wet lips...

Caressing you under the crest of the New Moon.

The love with us blooms.

Dawn in breaking the early morning is calling for you,

The early morning sings for you.

There is no other place on earth that I would rather be..

.It is here,

Where I am meant to be...

Never did I find the words before.

There are many things which I want to share with you.

Your love for me is DANGEROUS..

.I am in danger of falling in love with you...

Your love for me is dangerous..

.Early morning is crying for you...

Just like morning dew...

Your cheeky face...

As the morning light shines for you...

Here we are,

Just you and me,

What is it when you’re stuck,

When you walk away.

This is a game where we need not play

.Don't try to fix me,

Cause you’re in pain.

When you're giving me you time

 As you are like a broken arrow..

.What do you do when you heart is in two places.

Like a broken arrow...

Don't keep pushing me away...

Even when you know, Your love is real,

When your heart is in two places,

You feel love... even though we are worlds apart...

This is a great love and it needs to start

.Like an arrow hitting us in our heart.

This love for me is dangerous,

As I am in danger of falling in Love with you.

Sonia F Stevens Copyrighted 2011

 

I found that who I am is unimportant. What I do is more important. Inspire creative passions which you were born to achieve and be, is!

Who Do You Believe?

Who do you believe?
When people say one thing and do another.

I hear you call so far away.
...

Where the eagle and  I fly against the wind.
When I am on my own, deep inside my head.
Sometimes it is hard to believe or who to believe.
I hear you calling from so far away.
My heart is of the eagle on the wings of the air.
My heart flies with you and life has not compare.
You fly so free in the wind.
I wonder why I am there with my eagle flying.
My heart is calling when he cries.

 I hear you call from so far away,
You fly so free
I can hear the ancient cries,
From the songs and faces in the dreams
I think of you and the eagle flies.
Deep in the night you take my breath away
The dreams bring you to me and it is there I am one

Two different worlds iwithn my very soul.
Bringing life for others to know.
I will never give you up as you are part of my life and soul.
~ Sonia F Stevens ©copyright 2012

 

I found that who I am is unimportant. What I do is more important. Inspire creative passions which you were born to achieve and be, is!

 

Story.. real

No a small story of my past.
 

The past years I have assisted in establishing over 450+ projects, for people from nothing.
I know I said all those things which I personally want in my life..it is something i need to keep my sanity at times to want those things.
I am a female as you know, I have spinal situation,
I created my life over again by re education of myself in... Screen and... Media, Production, Music Business, Business , Pr and recording.

Te past ten thirteen year, I built up a network thought my own research of over90,000 Entertainment families. Not one cent came from anywhere.. As no one believed in me.

I have done 19 music videos for others , written two books, write blogs and empower many people. I have not been in the 'Limelight'. I taken photographs on many things since I was given my first box brownie..at the age a four.

I was ready and writing at the age of 2.

I sent over 100,000 books to the pacific for the communities over there, and gave that area of network to Rotary clubs in Sydney when they took it over in 2007. I established all that from not having a penny to my name.

Everything I have done was from nothing, no money, no one behind me.

I wanted someone to love me for me.. so I went on line where I met you.

Now I am clarifying that I know what it is like to be well off and also when you have nothing.

I want to play ,, enjoy life with you.

I care for people and established many things in those past years since my divorce in 2003.

I grew up all over the place and met many people, well known and not so.. I was raped in 2004 and had major surgery then and in 2011.

I assisted many people, yet when I need to be looked after..no one came..only three people out of the thousands ...

I am not a celebrity, or a well known star,, of business person.

When I worked in Telecom I was in fiancé and accounting  and handled million to the new infrastructure of cabling in and around Sydney and optical cable from NSW to Victoria.

The store guys nicked named me boots, as I was the one woman who went out in the field into their domain and seen how they worked, I even used a forklift. . hence the nick name 'boots'.

I have been with many artists, picking them up and empowering them to create their passions and dreams, admitting I have lost a few, through suicides.

I tread everyone with respect no matter who they are.

I give food to the street people when they are begging..as that will fill their stomachs up or a warm blanket ,,,

When I am able to do so.

I want a life where love is there for me. So I can curl up and just be.

I wish you could understand all this. We can achieve many dreams in our lives. We can achieve a lot out of our turmoil. What stops us..really,, is our own barriers which we place up. And we all started building those barriers since childhood...  As we get older, we forgot that they are there.. only when we look within ourselves occasionally we come across them... No one placed them there for us.. We Placed them there long long ago.

 

 

I found that who I am is unimportant. What I do is more important. Inspire creative passions which you were born to achieve and be, is!

Death is not the End

Death is not the End

By Sonia Frances

...Stevens©

Even though your body is not near

Now that your life is gone,

With a single sheared tear.

You’re presents and your human touch

It is what I miss of you so very much.

Even thought you have now departed

You soul of light has just taken to flight.

I will always miss you

Each and every single night

I understand you’re now a soul of light

You have just started you’re new flight.

Copyright©2006 by Sonia Frances Stevens

Crystalsingers@yahoo.com.au

PO Box 174

Southgate Sylvania NSW 2224

 

I found that who I am is unimportant. What I do is more important. Inspire creative passions which you were born to achieve and be, is!

People In Need

 There are people who are in hospital, on the streets, in wars, in disasters and people are dying, all around the world. N0t only in 3rd world countries but in national, world countries, Australia, New Zealand, America, United Kingdom, Africa, Pacific. This is every day, every minuet and every second. It is also not only the human beings which are leaving t...his earth it is also the animals.

 There is one thing which is common in it all, the ones who have nothing, give everything. Some wealthy people sit at the table and just read about it and then move on to their ten dollar coffee. It is not nice to be called a statistic. Yet,  is what people place us in. We are beings of life. We have feelings, we have minds and if we had a dollar to give we will, as we know what it is to live with nothing and know about death personally.

 Illness touches us, we give: disasters happen we give: sometimes we give more away than we have, to assist those in need, more greater than our own wants and needs. Yet we are called a statistic. We get no thanks but we give anyway. While most of the wealthy read and not support us, that  we give more than we have to others in greater need. Just a thought for all the critics and hooo haa's.

 Even when we have no money, we give out time. Our time is valuable too. This is my request(from Sonia F Stevens) to all... Who will read my note and share it. If you do, you are an extraordinary being in life's world. A that is courageous, for standing.

 

I found that who I am is unimportant. What I do is more important. Inspire creative passions which you were born to achieve and be, is!

When the people's insults are hitting you.

If somebody has insulted you, feel thankful to him that he has given you an opportunity to feel a deep wound. He has opened a wound in you. The wound may be created by many many insults that you have suffered in your whole life; he may not be the cause of all the suffering, but he has triggered a process. Just close your room, sit silently, with no... anger for the person but with total awareness of the feeling that is arising in you — the hurt feeling that you have been rejected, that you have been insulted. And then you will be surprised that not only is this man there: all the men and all the women and all the people that have ever insulted you will start moving in your memory. You will start not only remembering them, you will start reliving them. You will be going into a kind of primal. Feel the hurt, feel the pain, don’t avoid it.

That’s why in many therapies the patient is told not to take any drugs before the therapy begins, for the simple reason that drugs are a way to escape from your inner misery. They don’t allow you to see your wounds, they repress them. They don’t allow you to go into your suffering and unless you go into your suffering, you cannot be released from the imprisonment of it. 

 

My Commitment

Within my heart there is a struggle

within my life the intimacy revelling knowledge of you

Within my heart lies bare and cherished of primal attachment.



Deepest truths when we are together

Widening our lives with each other in twining

Sustaining us knowledge of trust, love and passion



This is the choice of maturity

Being supported every way while we live our lives together

Living our close lives intertwined each day



Within my heart there is a struggle

Within my life the intimacy revelling knowledge of you

Within my heart lies bare and cherished of primal attachment.



With our all and imperfections

Giving all to each other

The love which joins us amidst the moods of other's rejections.



The deepest struggles of our hearts

Of life and imperfections being heard and known

Calm amidst the life of moods and within love us



With maturity and our commitment

Responsibility, integrity of this commitment

Learning and expanding as we love and understand

Overwhelm all that there is and will be.


To experience and left unexperienced the sharing

There is a place where I for you and you for I

Have chosen together to all that we have


All the yearnings of needs wants and desires

The hearts which beat as one

Knowing of peace excitement as we get even closer

One lover for each other

So it is now and forever

You will be my lover


Written by Sonia F Stevens © copyright2013

 

Power Of NO

No… The power of NO

The integrity of this word “NO” a shield against exploitation and an instrument when wielded wisely.

There is a lot of talk about “yes” as it supports risk taking, courage, open hearted approach to life which grace cannot be minimised.

“No” Slams the door shut between one’s self and the influence of others. It has a hidden power .    It is easy misunderstood, difficult to engage. And others.

Negativity is ongoing attitude. NO.. is a moment of clear choice. It announces, indirectly, something affirmative about you.

NO.. has two faces, one we turn towards ourselves and one that creates boundaries between ourselves.

No.. the one we address to struggle to strengthen our internal.

No.. the one we address to our own self-destructive impulses, struggle which we are most familiar.

That NO controls our vent of rage on the road and our urge for that addiction. No.. self-discipline

No..  The one we learnt as babies to adulthood.

No… Line in the sand or stone.
If you feel you cannot say no, at least to something's, some of the time. Then you are being controlled.. interesting is it now how we as human beings act.

Power of one and Power of Love with responsibility

We are not isolated beings going about our business alone on this planet. In fact, science is now illustrating for us how deeply connected and insignificantly different we are. Many of us often feel disconnected, searching for a sense of belonging, whether it’s with a partner or family, co-workers, friends, or strangers.
We need to draw together people who want healthy, meaningful, and lasting connections with others in their lives. We need and will provide the nurturing environment, support, and guidance you need to help you connect with others—and yourself—in new, healthy, and understanding ways.

When everyone acknowledges that our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social lives cannot be separated. As we address one of these parts of our self, we affect the whole. As we begin to heal our own life, we also affect those around us, bringing health and healing to our families, communities, and the planet. 

Whether working with the body—through yoga, tai chi, qigong, massage, reflexology, or sports; or working with the mind—through Western psychology, mindfulness and meditation practice, psychic intuition, past-life regression, or the latest developments in energy medicine; or working with spiritual development paths to experience the divine mysteries within and all around us—a holistic journey of personal growth and self exploration is as rewarding as it is important. A leader cannot be effective without the support of the community, and the health of a community is directly related to the quality of leadership.

Where is this chicken-and-egg scenario begin? It begins with personal transformation. As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Although change begins with each one of us, we often need support and guidance to take our vision of transformation into our community. Our personal journey with our role as a global citizen, promoting understanding, cooperation, harmony, and positive social change in the world.

Learn to bring peace to divided groups, open a socially conscious business, or communicate more clearly. Stop blaming others and take responsibility for our own life's and show that we care for the many, including the one lost sheep. Empower others in our communities and our world. Learn to keep your word and be responsible for your word. Then notice the shift in life.  Love is the strongest power which man holds. why do you shy away from it.

 

New Friends MMMM

Good Friends: MMMM another topic to write about. New friends can be better to reflect your current circumstances and provide you with emotional and practical support, while you could say this..old friends/pals/mates; those repositories of shared memories can connect with your present life with your past life. look at the areas which you find yours...elf in.. then think....

The loneliness Paradox; suffering from lack of friends for awhile, there is a chance your social meter is distorted, influencing you to be more cynical and less receptive to good natured overtures from others. Start expecting better from them and they will deliver.....: Friend-Date; Do not be afraid to ask out a person for a coffee date, as they probably be flattered. Place yourself on the line, ... for love and friendship.....: Fight the Similarity Drive.

 Although we are drawn to people with similar foundations and profiles, things can be even more satisfying that a perfect match.......don't be restrained by your barriers....:Embrace Conflict;  Accepting the occasional tuffs, tiffs  is/as part of life ..expanding you as a being..... sounds a  doozy huh?...When your in for the long haul the two of you will require to learn to communicate, misunderstandings are part of learning so is clarification.

Do not allow the friendship fade just because you would rather avoid bringing up a grievance... vent it and then listen to the replies. and communicate. There is more... although I think you get my drift. Love to you all..

SFS xxx

Prevention Wisdom of Suicide

 Topic Of the Day: Prevention Wisdom of Suicide. This has come up many time. The only real risk in prevention is not doing anything. Although many people do this. When there is a reason to be worried about a person, it is important to share that information.

"What do you think about this situation?".

Mental Health is very important, so approaching someone in the Mental Health, even by animus, to get an idea on steps to follow with your intuition. A big part in suicide prevention is to be a great listener.
Many times, there is impulses to minimise the experience of a person who says, "My partner left me", I feel horrible", I'm flunking". Do not give the pep talk, "Its not all that bad", "that IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT". bETTER TO SAY THE FOLLOWING, "You're not the first person to feel this way.

I am here for you. I know where we can get some assistance. Let's Call them. It is important to be prepared and not scared. It is empowering for both to know what to look for. There are many warning signs, text messages, on line videos, promoting their plans through these media sources. Many exhibit paranoia, schizophrenia, delusions even hallucinations.

There is no simple explanation for a very complex behaviour with biological, sociological, psychological ,conscious and unconscious elements. How a tragedy is managed can influence whether someone else might attempt on their life. Post mention,- the actions taken after a tragedy, then comes a form of prevention. Our culture does little to assist the grieving; The message everyone.. I mean everyone is "GET OVER IT" The ones left behind want to know "WHY" and their feeling of "Guilt" as they may have had an argument with that loved one. There is NO "Get over it". That is the wrong thing to even say to another person.

 Many families that do best after a such a tragedy has a healthy communication before that point. Sharing their pain and grief. They talk together.      Those who shut themselves off are the ones who require tolerance love and understanding and someone to never give up on them also. written by Sonia F Stevens

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Judgements

Non Judgemental is not reacting or giving advice according to your own belief system.  Fully accepting the person and their experiences, which can be separate to your own experiences.  Non judgement is genuine acceptance of different backgrounds and beliefs between you and the other person.
Suspension of judgement is suitable whenever someone discloses themselves and are feeling vulnerable to other peoples opinions and criticisms.  When they are trying to open up and trust you. We can often make judgements or conclusions too early before someone has finished talking. I find being non-judgemental in communicating takes a lot of self awareness.

Non-judgemental is important in interpersonal communication because it allows you to be completely open to the other person and what they are discussing and the other person will be heard.  It enables the person to experience and accept more of who they are and reconnect with their values and self worth.  It allows you to fully understand & value the other person’s point of view.

 

people with a twist.

The Past is now in Past. Completion of that past is always with you. When you have done that, the world opens up and your movement forward begins with ease as it is no longer a struggle.

 Some people like to inform you in private that your in control and they are doing other things and have no time for that area, then turn around in public and slam...m you down.. What you do is, you stand. You walk away from them and be proud of who you are, as you have integrity and they don't. They just proven their word means nothing and yours means everything.. especially when people know the truth.

Your the one who has standards, your the one who never needs to prove a thing. Your the one who has gain the respect which no amount of money or influences can buy that respect.

Aging is inevitable; maturing is optional

 Aging is inevitable; maturing is optional

Yet in the mist of all darkness, there are some people who will not give up. I see some people who will not give up even when all hope is lost. Some people give love when it never is given back to them.

...

Who has not lost faith.

Watching people kill each other over race and greed, waging war over dust and rubble, old words in books of long past.. Yet there are some people who will not be bound, some people who give love are love and share love, some people who realise being lost is closer to being found.

When you love a person without a thought of oneself, even though loves another and will never love you..

My love, my hope for mankind is no less than any other, to believe, acknowledge and inspire with trust and love from the very being. If this is wrong then that is your choice, as this is mine and is how I am. I cannot make anyone believe or live their lives, I can only be me and live the way I am being me.

When you’re given an order that you don’t believe in what is it you do..

I lived my life in that question and yet I believe in people, have faith in people, and still love one who will never return that love, I love, trust and have faith in people.. Thing is whenever I get down, I get up and keep going. Something deep inside keeps me going even in the darkest times. The love of people the belief in people still keeps me moving forward. The friendships made and the friendships which were never meant to be still keep giving me faith on those around me. Even when at time I am lost, the light inside of me rekindles and forgiving, caring comes to the for front of my life..

People will not have trust in me; there is faith, trust, love for them from me..I don’t need to be known or shown off. I am just here for the service of you. As for fame of popularity is yours.. I believe in every one of my friends, they have great talent and so much to offer others.

I was given an order that no one cares and should not give anyone time as they would not do the same for me.. (LONG TIME AGO).Thing is I have faith, love and compassion for you and I will never take on that order. My expectations may never be filled on that, thing is I will always be there for you, no matter what...just sometimes I need a holiday too...

Sometimes I do require a bit of compassion and love too, as it feeds my very being.

 

Traits

Now that I have identified the personality trait that predisposes her/him to that unusual quirk, I ask myself what benefits I personally receive because of those personality traits she/he has.  Here’s a quick list that comes to my mind now as I think about it:

1. I can trust her/him.  I know who she/he is and who she/he is not.  There’s no anxiety about how she/he secretly feels about a relationship with me or anyone else.
She/He doesn’t care that my face is peeling from a sunburn when we go to meet her/his parents.
She/He gives me matter of fact advice with no awkwardness or hesitation when I ask her opinion about things.

I could go on and on, but you get the point.  I mentally frame the annoying behaviour in the context of things I like about her/him, and voila!  Suddenly I find myself easily dismissing the angst that was building inside me just a moment earlier.

And now a warning:

Quirks reveal things about your partner’s personality.  Most of those quirks are harmless, annoying features of their behaviour.  However, there are a few quirks that speak to an underlying incompatibility you should seriously consider.

The nature of quirks is that the person who does them is generally unaware that they are doing them, or unaware that other people find those behaviours odd or annoying.  As a result, they often reveal things about a person’s personality that they might otherwise choose to hide from you during the early stages of a dating relationship.

If she/he chooses to hide the fact that her/his car is always messy, it probably is not a really big deal.  If you are a very conscientious person, maybe it would be a big deal to you, but probably something most people could live with.  However, if she/he is trying to hide a cynical, sarcastic personality trait that reveals itself in the quirk of occasionally berating a waitress with unnecessarily harsh criticisms, consider how that same trait may transfer to the way he treats you, or your children at some point in the future.

He/She may laugh, smile, and go back to his pleasant interaction pattern just thirty seconds after tearing the waitress a part.  If he does this, don’t be fooled.  That kind of little quirk signals the presence of a monster lurking beneath the surface.  That monster could be an anger monster, a manipulator monster, or the monster of untamed narcissism.

I don’t mean to scare you.  I’m only pointing out the obvious, trying to raise your awareness of a simple tool that can improve your relationships.  Here’s the recap.  No one is perfect, so when you find a pretty good man/woman, learn to appreciate the personality traits that cause her/ him to have a few quirks.  Quirks are also unconscious signals of personality traits (much of the time).  As such, they are useful tools for recognizing personality traits the person may suppress when in your presence.

now another perspective

.

Real..... Unreal

We were brought up, enculturated, taught, related to, from the idea that our authentic, subjective experience (thoughts, emotions, moods, feelings, etc.) has a causative relationship with our actions. That whole idea is really pervasive, tough to counter, hard to get beyond because it’s so palpably clear to us subjectively. When we are excited (or bored, sad, or angry, etc.), we don’t say “I’m being excited, being angry, etc.,” we say “I’m excited” (vs. I “have” excitement). Similarly, we know we’re not our thoughts—rather, we “have” thoughts. The “I” is never going to go away, but the way we take for granted that what we are feeling, thinking, etc. inside of us is what produces our
actions dramatically limits our world.

If we track down the false division between “act” and “world,” a whole other way of living becomes possible. We don’t act on the world, or act out of what’s there or how it’s always been—we act out of how it “occurs” for us.

We are correlated with the world. “A dancer is locked into an environment, responsive to music, responsive to a partner. The idea that the dance is a state of us, inside of us, or something that happens in us is crazy. Our ability to dance depends on all sorts of things going on inside of us, but that we are dancing is fundamentally an attunement to the world around us.

It often seems like our past experience is calling the shots. Here’s how it works: When we’ve had a bad day, or a bad experience, we put that past experience into our “future,” as something we’re afraid might happen again, and something we want to make sure doesn’t happen again. Or if we’ve had a great day and something we did worked well, we store that past experience in the future, too. So essentially, we take our experiences and circumstances, which are behind us, and put our decisions about them—how we feel and think about them—in front of us. In doing so, we lock ourselves into relating to the past (or some facsimile thereof) as if it were going to happen again in the future. That’s the wiring.

At one time, fail was simply a verb that denoted being unsuccessful or falling short of expectations. Since then phrases like überfail, massive fail, or, most popular of all, epic fail have made occasional forays into noun hood.

Hundreds of flavors of ice cream, countless selections of movie channels, an infinite choice of mates, our daily round of work and play, our incessant getting and spending—the world of “more, better, different” is the air we breathe and its pull is ubiquitous.

It looks a lot like this: we search around and move around and do things and act and keep expanding and going for more or better and sometimes we get kind of stuck. But then we break out and we find a new place in life and we are off again expanding and growing and we keep on doing things and often get more from or better at doing that. And that’s what life’s like. Growing and expanding and
learning and getting more, experimenting, trying things out differently. We might avoid the question “is this it” or “is this all there is” for a while, especially when we don’t have enough of what we’re after—like money, status, or comfort. But after we’ve got “enough,” the odds are we’ll visit those questions yet again.

We take the notion of failure for granted. We don’t really even think about it. When we set out to handle something in a particular way, and don’t succeed, the notion of “failure” has a way of popping up. If we identify ourselves with achievement and accomplishment and success, it can be difficult to tolerate anything that’s inconsistent with that, leaving us no powerful way to be. What happens then is our motivation comes from dealing with how we think (and think that others think) about failure. When we don’t separate out what we were out to accomplish from our attitudes and feelings about it not turning out, the disparity between what happened and what the possibility was is often interpreted as a “failure in being.” This adds even more mass to the experience and reduces being able “to be” at all.

The “being” part of being human is where the infinite possibility of living lies—where we are able to connect dots we never even knew were dots, go in directions that previously couldn’t have been considered, stand in a place from ere we are able to see clearly for ourselves.

When we compromise, even in the tiniest of matters, it’s easier for those compromises to become more and more commonplace. Over time, bit by bit, this erodes our sense of self. It’s like stirring one drop of red paint into a can of white. The paint may turn only the palest shade of pink, and while that
might seem barely noticeable—no matter what we say about it—the paint is no longer what it was. Similarly, when the wholeness and completeness of who we are is jeopardized in some way, albeit imperceptible at first, our sense of ourselves gets obscured, making it harder to return to who we are. When that begins, there’s really no starting point to become ourselves—it’s all flailing around.

 We're all familiar with the old imperative “To thine own self be true,” and clear that much would be resolved if we only  operated consistently with it, although we pull for getting approval from others and the need to fit in is a strong one.
Even when we’re fully aware that we’re being inauthentic, and know that we don’t really believe in what we’re doing or saying, we still act as if we do—because we’re afraid we might risk losing approval of some kind. Even though we know the standards we’ve set for ourselves are impossible to realize, we still keep trying—we hide our perceived shortcomings, or pretend they don’t
exist. In doing so, we unwittingly add yet another layer of in authenticity.


It’s hard to be at ease when we have to keep up a pretence and not be true to ourselves in some way. Yet it’s not as if we woke up one morning and intentionally said, “Gee, I think I’m going to act in-authentically today. What my life’s going to be about is looking good and avoiding looking bad.

To be authentic requires putting aspects of our present ways-of-being on the line—letting go of pretenses, letting things show themselves in new ways, and acknowledging whatever in-authenticity
is at play.

The possibility of fully being ourselves occurs in proportion to our being authentic; said another way, it occurs in proportion to the degree we own our inauthentic ways of being. In not owning them, we essentially resign ourselves to in-authenticity staying around. Living with a pretense, or being afraid that some aspect of ourselves might be found out, precludes any real freedom. We live, rather, with a kind of fabricated freedom—a large price to pay.

 Sartre said that facing one’s freedom can be terrifying and uncomfortable—because facing it makes one feel insecure, and inevitably produces some level of anguish. Hence, we are constantly tempted to live in-authentically, pretending to ourselves that we are not free. To maintain this pretense, we try to convince ourselves that our actions are determined—by our character, our circumstances, our nature, or whatever. The last thing we want to admit is that our actions are determined only by our free, unconstrained choices .” This way of being is just kind of automatically there. Every time we opt for <p>looking</p>good or avoiding looking bad over what’s actually true for us, in-authenticity
creeps in and we compromise who we are.


We don’t much like thinking of ourselves as being inauthentic, but we live in societies today in which the name of the game is to “make it,” to “fit in,” to “look good,” so a great deal of what we think and do becomes shaped by a kind of cultural commitment to that. That pull or gravitational force is an
ontological phenomenon, not a psychological one—it’s the <p>already/always</p>condition of being human (a term which kind of speaks for itself). This condition is ubiquitous—it influences everything: How we see and respond to situations, what we’re concerned with, what’s important to us. While we might think we are responding in true, authentic ways, what is actually happening is
that our responses are essentially just a fallout of that already/always condition, And it is against that pull—the enormous gravitational force of that condition—that we attempt to be authentic.


Being authentic—stepping outside of the swirl of the already/always condition—requires courage. Humorist Josh Billings said, “This undertaking is not only the most difficult thing to do, but the most inconvenient as well.” In being authentic, the already/always condition becomes stripped of its power and is no longer the determining force in shaping who we are. Here, the context for the question “who am I?” shifts from flailing about, trying to find ourselves somewhere out there, to a context of creation. This is more difficult, because there is no zeitgeist to read, no template to follow, no
known path to success. It’s a blank slate. It’s a matter of courage—a matter of creating possibility. It gets made up as we go along, and it is this shift that makes available to us the full possibility of being human.


Under many circumstances, we aren’t willing to stand up for living a transformed life. In some circumstances, we tell ourselves that’s not important to us, that it’s enough just to get by. We’re so wrapped up in our own concerns, particular positions or points of view that  the idea of getting ourselves to a place where things can be resolved in the moment seems untenable. If somebody
had a magic powder to come and sprinkle on us, in those moments, and just through that, we could be transformed, we might say, “No, thanks—I don’t want any!”


We might hear ourselves saying, “Don’t let anything different or even great, happen to me. Let me stay just like I am.” And then we might spend a lot of time building up a justification for where we are—afraid to give up the leaky life boat that’s so familiar, to take a chance on getting in one with no leaks. And our justifications will be rational and intelligent—just like my initial response, and like all the thousands of reasons people use every day to justify staying where they are.


 Living a transformed life takes courage. People often think of courage only as what is called for in a moment of crisis, but that’s not the case. Courage is called for on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis, even when there’s nothing urgent at stake. It is up to us to create our lives consistent with who we know ourselves to be—making what’s at stake that which we say is at stake. It’s the stand we take on ourselves. That stand then becomes who we are. Saying that something is at stake is always a purely existential act. This business about freedom, this business about power, is really a product of a place to stand—not something that is out in front of us, that we’re working on or measuring ourselves against. When we live consistent with what we say, we are being true to ourselves..


Transformation has the power to upset the status quo, to unseat us from business as usual—it gives us a platform for being all we can. To choose living a transformed life requires us to wrestle with our resistances, small and large, to come face to face with the angst of giving up our self-imposed limits, our mediocrity—but most important, to live consistent with what we know is possible.
Transformation carries with it a wisdom and a knowing that we have a choice about who we are and the full range that is available to us in being human. With transformation comes big shoes.


We sometimes think that the circumstances in our relationships keep our relationships from being great. (If only she fill in the blank, if only he fill in the blank, etc.) But it’s not the content that determines the quality and power of our relationships—it’s the way we hold the content, the conversations we engage in, the conversation we are, the stand we take for workability.


Power, fulfillment, satisfaction, and aliveness in our relationships happen if we take our various complaints, or things we think don’t work, and promise to produce what’s missing (not as an insufficiency, but a possibility for something). To promise to produce what’s missing leaves us at risk.


 Being related is a grand conversation—it’s living in a possibility, and if it’s a possibility, it’s inherently risky. If it’s not risky, if it’s a sure thing, if it’s predictable, then what we’ll be left with is something trivial.


Our closest relationships then become a place of explanation rather than exploration, of resignation rather than declaration. In those moments, courage is required to set aside our judgments, characterizations, options and create our own relationships in  being powerful again—being related is a conversation, and with that comes an infinite malleability. Love, genuinely and openly expressed, is enormously powerful. And it’s in risking ourselves, in revealing ourselves to one another and to those closest to us, that we become ourselves.

Three interview questions which are important
1. Have you got the skills, expertise and experience to perform the job?
Think about the key skills you might need for the job you have applied for and assess your own level of expertise and experience in that context. It makes sense to identify the more specific or technical skills that your potential employer might expect as well as some more generic skills such as being a good communicator, having good IT skills, being a team player, etc. Once you have prepared for this question it will help you answer many different interview questions without getting side-tracked into talking about things that are not relevant. Remember that you want to demonstrate that you are aware of the key skills, expertise and experience required to do the job and that you have what it takes to perform it. Always go back to the key skills, expertise and experience when answering scary (and sometimes silly) questions like:

• Tell me about yourself?
• What are your greatest strengths / weaknesses?
• What can you do for us that other candidates can’t?
• Why do you think you are right for this job?
• What do you think the main challenges will be?
• Etc.

2. Are you enthusiastic and interested in the job and the company?
Any potential employer wants to know that you are interested in the company and excited about the prospect of working there. You therefore want to demonstrate that you have researched the company, understand its strategy, current performance, structure, market position and products and that you can’t wait to join them. For most, you will have done your homework before you even applied for the job, but if you haven’t then check out the ‘about us’ section on their website and search for the latest strategy documents, annual reports, key statistics as well as the company history. Show that you know them and demonstrate your enthusiasm for the job and company. Here you might also want to think about your ambitions and how they fit into the company you have applied for. You can then use the insights for answering questions such as:

• What do you know about our company?
• What do you think our company is aiming to achieve?
• What do you know about our products and services?
• Why do you want to work for this company?
• Why do you think this job is right for you?
• What motivates you?
• Etc.

3. Will you fit into the team, culture and company?
This final key question is about your personality and your style and how you as a person fit into the team and culture of the company. Companies have different cultures, which translate into different ways of behaving and working. It is important to make sure you fit in and don’t feel like a fish out of water. In fact, it is important for the company as well as for you. Again, hopefully you will have done some research prior to applying for the job. Sometimes, it can be tricky to find detailed knowledge about the company culture, in which case you simply talk about your assumptions and why you feel you fit in. One relatively new website that offers a glance inside companies is Glassdoor. The site is still in its infancy but provides a growing amount of data and information about what it is like to work for different companies. You want to map the culture of the company or the team you are planning to join and compare this to your personality traits, style and behaviors. Again, once you have done this you can use it to answer questions such as:

• How would you describe your work style?
• How would you describe yourself?
• How would your colleagues describe you?
• What makes you fit into our company?
• What makes you a good team member?
• If you were an animal, what animal would you be?
• Etc.

Of course, any interview is a two-way process. In the same way the interviewer wants to find out that you are right for the company, you need to assess whether the company is right for you. Each of the questions can be turned around so that you can assess:

1. By joining this company, will I make best use of my skills and expertise and will they help me to grow them further?
2. Is the company excited about having me work for them and will they give me the necessary support?
3. Is the company culture the right fit for me so that I can flourish and be myself?

If you ask relevant questions from your point of view then this will make the interview more balanced and create a more natural conversation.
I hope this is useful? Please let me know your thoughts and share any comments you might have on the topic

 

Seeing the Relationship

When you realise that changing yourself is not actually outright change but growth. A relationship takes two people, committed to each other. Each one is to conform and compromise. Real relationships are about both adopting to each other, when this takes place a marked improvement
is noticed in your relationship.

There are always a assumptions or thoughts which you know, which is found to be wrong. You need to be open to new ideas and new concepts in being.

In order for things to improve, you are required to go into them with an open mind; a mind that accepts diversity and change; a mind that seeks opportunity to evolve and realise the potential. Succumbing to change is never a weakness, it is a powerful strength. This strength proves
that you are in for the long haul and truly care for your partner, lover, friend and mate. In turn they will have the same devotional goal.

Acknowledge that you cannot and will not change your partner, lover, friend or mate. They evolve and grow with you. Our brain and emotions are dynamic, constantly changing and shaped by our experiences, our thoughts and our environment.

Mindfulness is a way to control, and ultimately rewire our reactions to all three of these things.
Why is that?

Because we are disconnecting from the automatic involvement in the moment and observing it ‘objectively’.
Doing so takes our life off autopilot and allows us to decide instead how we would like it to be, effectively allowing us to set up new neural pathways and emotional patterns. Our brain and emotions are dynamic, constantly changing and shaped by our experiences, our thoughts and our environment.
 Mindfulness is a way to control, and ultimately rewire our reactions to all three of these things.
Why is that? Because we are disconnecting from the automatic involvement in the moment and observing it ‘objectively’. Doing so takes our life off autopilot and allows us to decide instead how we would  like it to be, effectively allowing us to set up new neural pathways and emotional patterns.

The one thing that has driven men mad is the fact that women tend to gets to know them, develop feelings for them, date them, and committee to them, only to try to change them. And this is where women and men go wrong.

You cannot make a man do certain things nor can you make him following certain habits. All you can do however is to communicate your views, wishes and desires and hope for the best. You also cannot control the thoughts that go through his head, regardless of how determined you are. Do however make requests of him. Do not fall into the category of a manipulator.

There is a warning: There are exceptions to every rule. There are men and women out there who are simple genuine jerks, flakes, wankers, who want to make your life hell. There are men who will forever trapped in their childlike and / or stubborn ways, refusing to expand and grow or even
acknowledge growth.

Women as a whole tend to be more emotional and thoughtful. This drives you insane from over thinking and getting nowhere.

How many times have you tried to pour your heart out to your man, only to have him immediately get defensive and act as if you have accused him of something or rather? He then accuses you of overthinking, over analysing and / or living in the past.

He basically informs you to build a bridge and get over it, and then less-than-respectfully you get a grip?

I know the answer is ‘yes’

The resentment is the result for you as the bridge is built and crossing it countless of times, only for you to realise that every time you cross it, you never left. Causing you, by the build-up of negative
feelings towards that person. You start to develop “why bother” attitude whether you realise it or not.

You have officially developed a state of mind called, NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD.

No it is not personified version of a computer virus.

It is when your build-up of anger, frustrations and the pain dealing with your man starts to override any and all pleasant thoughts about him. Leaving things uncompleted and undone.

Once this occurs, you lash out for what seems to be no reason, when actually there are real reasons. You become the one who has the problem. Alternatively you may put up an emotional road block, no longer letting him in. You may find yourself becoming mentally unbalanced. You become emotionally distant. He will lose interest and leave,  not caring of the mess he has placed you in.
And his attitude “I don’t know what went wrong” :she is the crazy one” .

Men and women are different. This makes neither right nor wrong – just different. You simply have to embrace that fact. You are two different people. It is that the two of you choose to do with those differences that really matters. You both need to acknowledge and accept those differences
for what they are.

When we become familiar with each other we both begin to expect certain behaviours from one and other. When we do not get what we expect, we in the beginning to see annoyances, even the smallest one.. We expect someone to act in the way we deem normal.

 Over time, we give focus on these differences and quirks, some people seize on them and the relationships start to be in jeopardy, others accept them for who they are and build from those, these relationships succeed, expand and grow.

Men hurt. Men can crumble inside and face the greatest adversities with fear and dread,  if he dares to show it on the outside, he risks his reputation and his standing in the society and community as a whole.

Rather than risk this, many men simply block things out and shut their emotions down.

Example: What happens when a little girl cries?

Hearts break and people rush to their aid, by scooping them up and cuddling them, reassuring them.

                  What happens when a little boy cries?

More often that you realise, they are told to grow up, man up, or walk it off.

From an very early age, our emotions are stifled and taught to us. Can you see how these may create some adverse and relationship – affecting traits?

Many men will simply err on the side of caution and not show any emotions at all. Women become very emotional and always feeling things.

Men, when they had a heated argument usually tries to act as if nothing much has happened and goes to work or about their business or pleasure. It is either that or he stays angry. Which can build up like a pressure cooker. When they approach their family or friends for support, they are heckled and jeered upon.

Women generally want to pull their hair out, have a dam good cry, and possibly even contact their friends or family for a support system.

Conflict generally weighs more on the woman and stick with them longer. Does this make them weak? Hell NO! Not one iota. Try to imagine a man doing that!

The key is a delicate balance of emotional strength and real, human, honest to goodness release. When, Where, How? Herein lies the problem men face every single day.

Women claim that they want a man who is not afraid to show emotion, but many women often shudder when they actually see those things in a man.

Many women believe men are emotionless, unfeeling beings. This is far from the real truth. Men can feel and experience just as much fear and uneasiness as any woman. They can feel heart-wrenching loneliness just as often. The difference is that they were not raised to show that part of them openly. Doing so sends them back to the days of childhood and running to the parent to doctor them. More often the men were not geared to be the ones doing the comforting, not the ones needing to be comforted. Generations of men have been raised and wired this way. They simply cannot help it.

There are absolutely exceptions, the problem lies in trying to be one of the exceptions without being judged or seen as less of a man. It feels like a “can’t win” situation, regardless of which they choose.

Do men become the man we deserve and long for or, do the men what is expected by the majority? The answer is not cut and dry as you might think.

Written 2004