Rebuffed

 Rebuffed: When you try to assist someone or give them something, it can feel like a personal affront when they turn you down.

 It often has nothing to do with rudeness. It could be you are offering the wrong kind of assistance altogether, or on the other hand, rejection of a favour can also be reflected the following: Pride, it sometimes in accepti...ng the assistance can feel like admitting inferiority, inadequacy, dependency, or even defeat.

An offer of money, for example, even a loan, can make someone feel like a charity case, and accepting assistance can make someone feel as an inability to being successful complete something unaided.: Unworthiness, as when people grow up thinking that asking for things without explicitly earning then is unacceptably selfish, even feeling that they have no right to your assistance.

When these individuals did allow themselves to take what you are offering, they end up feeling great guilt and or even anxious,. : Indebtedness, is when who seem excessively independent, may have learnt to be that way because their experience validate the notion that taking anything from anyone is way tooo risky. If your offer threatens their sense of freedom, independence, security or autonomy, they'll feel compelled to reject it.: Vulnerability is people with serious trust issues and their fear that accepting a favour will crate an imbalance, weakness in their status in the relationship. For in their past such "taking" was, unexpectedly used against them, why would they risk re-experiencing such betrayal again.. Just thought this was something to share with you. In understanding, what lays beneath the surface of people.

Written by Sonia F Stevens

My Commitment

Within my heart there is a struggle

within my life the intimacy revelling knowledge of you

Within my heart lies bare and cherished of primal attachment.



Deepest truths when we are together

Widening our lives with each other in twining

Sustaining us knowledge of trust, love and passion



This is the choice of maturity

Being supported every way while we live our lives together

Living our close lives intertwined each day



Within my heart there is a struggle

Within my life the intimacy revelling knowledge of you

Within my heart lies bare and cherished of primal attachment.



With our all and imperfections

Giving all to each other

The love which joins us amidst the moods of other's rejections.



The deepest struggles of our hearts

Of life and imperfections being heard and known

Calm amidst the life of moods and within love us



With maturity and our commitment

Responsibility, integrity of this commitment

Learning and expanding as we love and understand

Overwhelm all that there is and will be.


To experience and left unexperienced the sharing

There is a place where I for you and you for I

Have chosen together to all that we have


All the yearnings of needs wants and desires

The hearts which beat as one

Knowing of peace excitement as we get even closer

One lover for each other

So it is now and forever

You will be my lover


Written by Sonia F Stevens © copyright2013

 

Think

I never got to say my good byes to my parents.. that was hard .. remember each day you are living, live in that moment, take it to the hilt.. there is no why's, who, should's, could's as they are past and also negative.. if you grab hold of life, live in the moment.. but also be sure it is the way you want to live it, not the other's wants and need...s,, we can fall into bed with anyone, can you say that it is the one you want in your life forever or a moment.. that is for you to decide.. what ever your choices are, remember, you are loved, cherished and believed in, also someone has great faith in you, knows what it is like and is there for you always.

 think of your life in the now.. as if you have an accident later in the day.. are you sure, you want that person to know much which is from your heart.

 

Life

(¯`´¯) ..•*¨`*♫.•´*.¸.•´♥`L O V E *.¸.*
"Into the eyes of life, love can be given. Into the darkness our souls can be taken. These are the true trials of living a life of creation" By Sonia F Stevens.
(¯`´¯) ..•*¨`*♫.•´*.¸.•´♥`L O V E *.¸.*

Power Of NO

No… The power of NO

The integrity of this word “NO” a shield against exploitation and an instrument when wielded wisely.

There is a lot of talk about “yes” as it supports risk taking, courage, open hearted approach to life which grace cannot be minimised.

“No” Slams the door shut between one’s self and the influence of others. It has a hidden power .    It is easy misunderstood, difficult to engage. And others.

Negativity is ongoing attitude. NO.. is a moment of clear choice. It announces, indirectly, something affirmative about you.

NO.. has two faces, one we turn towards ourselves and one that creates boundaries between ourselves.

No.. the one we address to struggle to strengthen our internal.

No.. the one we address to our own self-destructive impulses, struggle which we are most familiar.

That NO controls our vent of rage on the road and our urge for that addiction. No.. self-discipline

No..  The one we learnt as babies to adulthood.

No… Line in the sand or stone.
If you feel you cannot say no, at least to something's, some of the time. Then you are being controlled.. interesting is it now how we as human beings act.

There is nothing which can untie the moment when nature has a say

When two points are destined to touch. The universe will always find a way to make the connections even when all hope is lost as certain ties are cannot be broken. They define who we are and who we can become and who we are. Across space and time along paths we cannot predict nature always finds a way.Having value goes way past and beyond profit. O...ur collective consciousness synchronises.  A collective request, set up in unison and a shared hope. In times of tragedy and joy it is the sharing of these great events that define our lives as one. There are no coincidences. Most people do not see the tree without the forest around them. They lose the gift of that one tree among the forest of trees, but if you notice the one tree, you can see all the trees are not the same nor is one blade of grass is exact to another blade of grass. ~ Sonia F Stevens

Second Date????? MMMMM

Eavesdrop on a couple of boomers talking about dating and you’ll likely hear a laundry list of what’s wrong with the person they’re dating.

While there’s no preventative magic, those lists can be shrunk and sometimes eliminated. A second date for a boomer should depend on whether their date on the first exhibited a fair amount of relationship potential, and a coffee date can be very telling if you know what questions to ask.

The stakes are too high to settle but the clock is running. Dating smart means narrowing the field rapidly to save time and energy. There’ll always be issues in a relationship that require compromise, but since the answers to these questions indicate basic, interpersonal skills no latitude is necessary.
A long dating dry spell can contribute to fantasies and projections about a first date based on little useful information, a lot of hope, and a powerful drive to be in a relationship again.

There are five questions, and the best three or four out of five won’t work since all five are reasonable and fair to any boomer who’s done some amount of inner work. Dating is the time to be your own best friend, and staying focused is acting in that manner.

1. What’s Under The Hood?
Has your date done any type of personal growth work, individual or group therapy, been in a men’s or women’s group, attended any workshops or lectures about personal growth or relationships, read any books or magazine articles about relationships, or done anything at all that indicates the ability to co-create a successful relationship? This is critical since every relationship faces challenges.

Knowing how to work through them is learned behaviour. These skills aren’t second nature to many people, but a boomer who’s done some amount of inner work knows how to resolve issues.

2. Friends Matter
Does your date have any same sex friends? It’s important because it points to trust. A boomer without close friends may have unresolved trust issues that will become problematic later. My mentor said it well, “Where there’s no trust, there’s no love.”
In addition, dating a loner means you’ll automatically become his or her entire universe, an onerous burden. Having close friends also suggests the presence of relationship skills since friendships sometimes have issues that need to be resolved. The best relationships are also best friendships, but that depends on a willingness to trust and be trustworthy.

3. Boring?
Did your date show interest in you and your life? Did he or she ask you a fair number of questions? A frequent complaint is a first date that didn’t stop talking about his or her life and failed to ask their date anything about theirs. This is a red flag because it suggests someone self-involved, and self-involved people don’t make good partners for obvious reasons. There are no excuses for rudeness, and a second date will only confirm your date wasn’t a good prospect.

4. Generosity? Maybe Not
Does your date have some means of support? Unless you’re okay with financing the relationship, this matters. And, the inequality of badly lopsided financial relationships rarely works. I’ve seen many boomer relationships based on one person supporting the other and few succeeded, in part because there’s nearly always the expectation of a quid pro quo, whether verbalized or not. While this doesn’t apply to married couples, in general there’s no free lunch.

5. Hot Or Not
Physical chemistry is vital, but I’m not suggesting sex too early in a relationship. It’s a good idea not to become sexual until both partners feel confident the relationship is viable. It helps avoid the hurt feelings that accompany rocket ride, failed relationships. Since the great majority of couples feel that a satisfying relationship embodies strong physical chemistry, it’s worth asking your date how important they feel it is. Don’t sell passion and heat short. Relationships are difficult enough, and one lacking in juiciness is off to a shaky start.

If you’re sceptical or shy about asking these questions, think how you’ll feel after wasting months with someone inappropriate when you might have discovered their issues simply by being up front and honest. My coffee dates were always grateful and I was glad that most turned my questions around on me. The nature of our answers told us far more about each other than we could have learned chatting about lesser things. Whether or not to have a second date will be much more clear, and the only people who might find these questions objectionable likely can’t answer them well.

Of course there are other factors involved in determining a first date’s second date potential, and these questions aren’t going to work perfectly every time. But everyone wants to meet someone who can hold up his or her emotional end of a relationship. These questions point in that direction.