Traits

Now that I have identified the personality trait that predisposes her/him to that unusual quirk, I ask myself what benefits I personally receive because of those personality traits she/he has.  Here’s a quick list that comes to my mind now as I think about it:

1. I can trust her/him.  I know who she/he is and who she/he is not.  There’s no anxiety about how she/he secretly feels about a relationship with me or anyone else.
She/He doesn’t care that my face is peeling from a sunburn when we go to meet her/his parents.
She/He gives me matter of fact advice with no awkwardness or hesitation when I ask her opinion about things.

I could go on and on, but you get the point.  I mentally frame the annoying behaviour in the context of things I like about her/him, and voila!  Suddenly I find myself easily dismissing the angst that was building inside me just a moment earlier.

And now a warning:

Quirks reveal things about your partner’s personality.  Most of those quirks are harmless, annoying features of their behaviour.  However, there are a few quirks that speak to an underlying incompatibility you should seriously consider.

The nature of quirks is that the person who does them is generally unaware that they are doing them, or unaware that other people find those behaviours odd or annoying.  As a result, they often reveal things about a person’s personality that they might otherwise choose to hide from you during the early stages of a dating relationship.

If she/he chooses to hide the fact that her/his car is always messy, it probably is not a really big deal.  If you are a very conscientious person, maybe it would be a big deal to you, but probably something most people could live with.  However, if she/he is trying to hide a cynical, sarcastic personality trait that reveals itself in the quirk of occasionally berating a waitress with unnecessarily harsh criticisms, consider how that same trait may transfer to the way he treats you, or your children at some point in the future.

He/She may laugh, smile, and go back to his pleasant interaction pattern just thirty seconds after tearing the waitress a part.  If he does this, don’t be fooled.  That kind of little quirk signals the presence of a monster lurking beneath the surface.  That monster could be an anger monster, a manipulator monster, or the monster of untamed narcissism.

I don’t mean to scare you.  I’m only pointing out the obvious, trying to raise your awareness of a simple tool that can improve your relationships.  Here’s the recap.  No one is perfect, so when you find a pretty good man/woman, learn to appreciate the personality traits that cause her/ him to have a few quirks.  Quirks are also unconscious signals of personality traits (much of the time).  As such, they are useful tools for recognizing personality traits the person may suppress when in your presence.

now another perspective

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Real..... Unreal

We were brought up, enculturated, taught, related to, from the idea that our authentic, subjective experience (thoughts, emotions, moods, feelings, etc.) has a causative relationship with our actions. That whole idea is really pervasive, tough to counter, hard to get beyond because it’s so palpably clear to us subjectively. When we are excited (or bored, sad, or angry, etc.), we don’t say “I’m being excited, being angry, etc.,” we say “I’m excited” (vs. I “have” excitement). Similarly, we know we’re not our thoughts—rather, we “have” thoughts. The “I” is never going to go away, but the way we take for granted that what we are feeling, thinking, etc. inside of us is what produces our
actions dramatically limits our world.

If we track down the false division between “act” and “world,” a whole other way of living becomes possible. We don’t act on the world, or act out of what’s there or how it’s always been—we act out of how it “occurs” for us.

We are correlated with the world. “A dancer is locked into an environment, responsive to music, responsive to a partner. The idea that the dance is a state of us, inside of us, or something that happens in us is crazy. Our ability to dance depends on all sorts of things going on inside of us, but that we are dancing is fundamentally an attunement to the world around us.

It often seems like our past experience is calling the shots. Here’s how it works: When we’ve had a bad day, or a bad experience, we put that past experience into our “future,” as something we’re afraid might happen again, and something we want to make sure doesn’t happen again. Or if we’ve had a great day and something we did worked well, we store that past experience in the future, too. So essentially, we take our experiences and circumstances, which are behind us, and put our decisions about them—how we feel and think about them—in front of us. In doing so, we lock ourselves into relating to the past (or some facsimile thereof) as if it were going to happen again in the future. That’s the wiring.

At one time, fail was simply a verb that denoted being unsuccessful or falling short of expectations. Since then phrases like überfail, massive fail, or, most popular of all, epic fail have made occasional forays into noun hood.

Hundreds of flavors of ice cream, countless selections of movie channels, an infinite choice of mates, our daily round of work and play, our incessant getting and spending—the world of “more, better, different” is the air we breathe and its pull is ubiquitous.

It looks a lot like this: we search around and move around and do things and act and keep expanding and going for more or better and sometimes we get kind of stuck. But then we break out and we find a new place in life and we are off again expanding and growing and we keep on doing things and often get more from or better at doing that. And that’s what life’s like. Growing and expanding and
learning and getting more, experimenting, trying things out differently. We might avoid the question “is this it” or “is this all there is” for a while, especially when we don’t have enough of what we’re after—like money, status, or comfort. But after we’ve got “enough,” the odds are we’ll visit those questions yet again.

We take the notion of failure for granted. We don’t really even think about it. When we set out to handle something in a particular way, and don’t succeed, the notion of “failure” has a way of popping up. If we identify ourselves with achievement and accomplishment and success, it can be difficult to tolerate anything that’s inconsistent with that, leaving us no powerful way to be. What happens then is our motivation comes from dealing with how we think (and think that others think) about failure. When we don’t separate out what we were out to accomplish from our attitudes and feelings about it not turning out, the disparity between what happened and what the possibility was is often interpreted as a “failure in being.” This adds even more mass to the experience and reduces being able “to be” at all.

The “being” part of being human is where the infinite possibility of living lies—where we are able to connect dots we never even knew were dots, go in directions that previously couldn’t have been considered, stand in a place from ere we are able to see clearly for ourselves.

When we compromise, even in the tiniest of matters, it’s easier for those compromises to become more and more commonplace. Over time, bit by bit, this erodes our sense of self. It’s like stirring one drop of red paint into a can of white. The paint may turn only the palest shade of pink, and while that
might seem barely noticeable—no matter what we say about it—the paint is no longer what it was. Similarly, when the wholeness and completeness of who we are is jeopardized in some way, albeit imperceptible at first, our sense of ourselves gets obscured, making it harder to return to who we are. When that begins, there’s really no starting point to become ourselves—it’s all flailing around.

 We're all familiar with the old imperative “To thine own self be true,” and clear that much would be resolved if we only  operated consistently with it, although we pull for getting approval from others and the need to fit in is a strong one.
Even when we’re fully aware that we’re being inauthentic, and know that we don’t really believe in what we’re doing or saying, we still act as if we do—because we’re afraid we might risk losing approval of some kind. Even though we know the standards we’ve set for ourselves are impossible to realize, we still keep trying—we hide our perceived shortcomings, or pretend they don’t
exist. In doing so, we unwittingly add yet another layer of in authenticity.


It’s hard to be at ease when we have to keep up a pretence and not be true to ourselves in some way. Yet it’s not as if we woke up one morning and intentionally said, “Gee, I think I’m going to act in-authentically today. What my life’s going to be about is looking good and avoiding looking bad.

To be authentic requires putting aspects of our present ways-of-being on the line—letting go of pretenses, letting things show themselves in new ways, and acknowledging whatever in-authenticity
is at play.

The possibility of fully being ourselves occurs in proportion to our being authentic; said another way, it occurs in proportion to the degree we own our inauthentic ways of being. In not owning them, we essentially resign ourselves to in-authenticity staying around. Living with a pretense, or being afraid that some aspect of ourselves might be found out, precludes any real freedom. We live, rather, with a kind of fabricated freedom—a large price to pay.

 Sartre said that facing one’s freedom can be terrifying and uncomfortable—because facing it makes one feel insecure, and inevitably produces some level of anguish. Hence, we are constantly tempted to live in-authentically, pretending to ourselves that we are not free. To maintain this pretense, we try to convince ourselves that our actions are determined—by our character, our circumstances, our nature, or whatever. The last thing we want to admit is that our actions are determined only by our free, unconstrained choices .” This way of being is just kind of automatically there. Every time we opt for <p>looking</p>good or avoiding looking bad over what’s actually true for us, in-authenticity
creeps in and we compromise who we are.


We don’t much like thinking of ourselves as being inauthentic, but we live in societies today in which the name of the game is to “make it,” to “fit in,” to “look good,” so a great deal of what we think and do becomes shaped by a kind of cultural commitment to that. That pull or gravitational force is an
ontological phenomenon, not a psychological one—it’s the <p>already/always</p>condition of being human (a term which kind of speaks for itself). This condition is ubiquitous—it influences everything: How we see and respond to situations, what we’re concerned with, what’s important to us. While we might think we are responding in true, authentic ways, what is actually happening is
that our responses are essentially just a fallout of that already/always condition, And it is against that pull—the enormous gravitational force of that condition—that we attempt to be authentic.


Being authentic—stepping outside of the swirl of the already/always condition—requires courage. Humorist Josh Billings said, “This undertaking is not only the most difficult thing to do, but the most inconvenient as well.” In being authentic, the already/always condition becomes stripped of its power and is no longer the determining force in shaping who we are. Here, the context for the question “who am I?” shifts from flailing about, trying to find ourselves somewhere out there, to a context of creation. This is more difficult, because there is no zeitgeist to read, no template to follow, no
known path to success. It’s a blank slate. It’s a matter of courage—a matter of creating possibility. It gets made up as we go along, and it is this shift that makes available to us the full possibility of being human.


Under many circumstances, we aren’t willing to stand up for living a transformed life. In some circumstances, we tell ourselves that’s not important to us, that it’s enough just to get by. We’re so wrapped up in our own concerns, particular positions or points of view that  the idea of getting ourselves to a place where things can be resolved in the moment seems untenable. If somebody
had a magic powder to come and sprinkle on us, in those moments, and just through that, we could be transformed, we might say, “No, thanks—I don’t want any!”


We might hear ourselves saying, “Don’t let anything different or even great, happen to me. Let me stay just like I am.” And then we might spend a lot of time building up a justification for where we are—afraid to give up the leaky life boat that’s so familiar, to take a chance on getting in one with no leaks. And our justifications will be rational and intelligent—just like my initial response, and like all the thousands of reasons people use every day to justify staying where they are.


 Living a transformed life takes courage. People often think of courage only as what is called for in a moment of crisis, but that’s not the case. Courage is called for on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis, even when there’s nothing urgent at stake. It is up to us to create our lives consistent with who we know ourselves to be—making what’s at stake that which we say is at stake. It’s the stand we take on ourselves. That stand then becomes who we are. Saying that something is at stake is always a purely existential act. This business about freedom, this business about power, is really a product of a place to stand—not something that is out in front of us, that we’re working on or measuring ourselves against. When we live consistent with what we say, we are being true to ourselves..


Transformation has the power to upset the status quo, to unseat us from business as usual—it gives us a platform for being all we can. To choose living a transformed life requires us to wrestle with our resistances, small and large, to come face to face with the angst of giving up our self-imposed limits, our mediocrity—but most important, to live consistent with what we know is possible.
Transformation carries with it a wisdom and a knowing that we have a choice about who we are and the full range that is available to us in being human. With transformation comes big shoes.


We sometimes think that the circumstances in our relationships keep our relationships from being great. (If only she fill in the blank, if only he fill in the blank, etc.) But it’s not the content that determines the quality and power of our relationships—it’s the way we hold the content, the conversations we engage in, the conversation we are, the stand we take for workability.


Power, fulfillment, satisfaction, and aliveness in our relationships happen if we take our various complaints, or things we think don’t work, and promise to produce what’s missing (not as an insufficiency, but a possibility for something). To promise to produce what’s missing leaves us at risk.


 Being related is a grand conversation—it’s living in a possibility, and if it’s a possibility, it’s inherently risky. If it’s not risky, if it’s a sure thing, if it’s predictable, then what we’ll be left with is something trivial.


Our closest relationships then become a place of explanation rather than exploration, of resignation rather than declaration. In those moments, courage is required to set aside our judgments, characterizations, options and create our own relationships in  being powerful again—being related is a conversation, and with that comes an infinite malleability. Love, genuinely and openly expressed, is enormously powerful. And it’s in risking ourselves, in revealing ourselves to one another and to those closest to us, that we become ourselves.

Three interview questions which are important
1. Have you got the skills, expertise and experience to perform the job?
Think about the key skills you might need for the job you have applied for and assess your own level of expertise and experience in that context. It makes sense to identify the more specific or technical skills that your potential employer might expect as well as some more generic skills such as being a good communicator, having good IT skills, being a team player, etc. Once you have prepared for this question it will help you answer many different interview questions without getting side-tracked into talking about things that are not relevant. Remember that you want to demonstrate that you are aware of the key skills, expertise and experience required to do the job and that you have what it takes to perform it. Always go back to the key skills, expertise and experience when answering scary (and sometimes silly) questions like:

• Tell me about yourself?
• What are your greatest strengths / weaknesses?
• What can you do for us that other candidates can’t?
• Why do you think you are right for this job?
• What do you think the main challenges will be?
• Etc.

2. Are you enthusiastic and interested in the job and the company?
Any potential employer wants to know that you are interested in the company and excited about the prospect of working there. You therefore want to demonstrate that you have researched the company, understand its strategy, current performance, structure, market position and products and that you can’t wait to join them. For most, you will have done your homework before you even applied for the job, but if you haven’t then check out the ‘about us’ section on their website and search for the latest strategy documents, annual reports, key statistics as well as the company history. Show that you know them and demonstrate your enthusiasm for the job and company. Here you might also want to think about your ambitions and how they fit into the company you have applied for. You can then use the insights for answering questions such as:

• What do you know about our company?
• What do you think our company is aiming to achieve?
• What do you know about our products and services?
• Why do you want to work for this company?
• Why do you think this job is right for you?
• What motivates you?
• Etc.

3. Will you fit into the team, culture and company?
This final key question is about your personality and your style and how you as a person fit into the team and culture of the company. Companies have different cultures, which translate into different ways of behaving and working. It is important to make sure you fit in and don’t feel like a fish out of water. In fact, it is important for the company as well as for you. Again, hopefully you will have done some research prior to applying for the job. Sometimes, it can be tricky to find detailed knowledge about the company culture, in which case you simply talk about your assumptions and why you feel you fit in. One relatively new website that offers a glance inside companies is Glassdoor. The site is still in its infancy but provides a growing amount of data and information about what it is like to work for different companies. You want to map the culture of the company or the team you are planning to join and compare this to your personality traits, style and behaviors. Again, once you have done this you can use it to answer questions such as:

• How would you describe your work style?
• How would you describe yourself?
• How would your colleagues describe you?
• What makes you fit into our company?
• What makes you a good team member?
• If you were an animal, what animal would you be?
• Etc.

Of course, any interview is a two-way process. In the same way the interviewer wants to find out that you are right for the company, you need to assess whether the company is right for you. Each of the questions can be turned around so that you can assess:

1. By joining this company, will I make best use of my skills and expertise and will they help me to grow them further?
2. Is the company excited about having me work for them and will they give me the necessary support?
3. Is the company culture the right fit for me so that I can flourish and be myself?

If you ask relevant questions from your point of view then this will make the interview more balanced and create a more natural conversation.
I hope this is useful? Please let me know your thoughts and share any comments you might have on the topic

 

Life of Joy and Peace

(¯`´¯) ..•*¨`*♫.•´*.¸.•´♥`L O V E *.¸.*
The love that is within you need to be honoured..not the love that is mixed with lust.. The love, love that gives you love with language, trust, gratitude, forgiveness .To honour and respect to acknowledge is respect is the simplest things.What happen when you honour the place in you as it honours you and the... homage that is with you is called peace.Joy is your reward, it is called understanding.. it is called joy..The clarity is the reward. Singularity is not duality, you need to find your singularity as you are born and die singularity. You need start that in your life which is in the light. When you give yourself the knowledge, you find the joy and light in your life. You find real love which is the light of your life and it is then you see every life for who/what is around you. Stop gossiping about others as then you find not the real joy of life.That light resides in your heart.The gift of knowledge , to turn the knowledge of the outside to turn the knowledge which is turned to inside of you.Full fill your thirst within you with the knowledge that is within you, It does not reside outside of you,. Appreciate what is in front of you. This is what gives you joy. Joy and peace reside within yourself it has nothing to do with what is outside of your being.. Feel your breath and feel the joy of the simple breath,  see the colours and know the joy of sight, see the textures and understand the joy of textures.Joy gives you a life of peace..simple..enjoy the simple things and hold on to them, release everything else so you can live in joy and in peace. The simple things gives us life and freedom. Dont get complicated.(¯`´¯) ..•*¨`*♫.•                          ´*.¸.•´♥`L O V E *.¸.*

Written by Sonia F Stevens copyrighted 2013

Seeing the Relationship

When you realise that changing yourself is not actually outright change but growth. A relationship takes two people, committed to each other. Each one is to conform and compromise. Real relationships are about both adopting to each other, when this takes place a marked improvement
is noticed in your relationship.

There are always a assumptions or thoughts which you know, which is found to be wrong. You need to be open to new ideas and new concepts in being.

In order for things to improve, you are required to go into them with an open mind; a mind that accepts diversity and change; a mind that seeks opportunity to evolve and realise the potential. Succumbing to change is never a weakness, it is a powerful strength. This strength proves
that you are in for the long haul and truly care for your partner, lover, friend and mate. In turn they will have the same devotional goal.

Acknowledge that you cannot and will not change your partner, lover, friend or mate. They evolve and grow with you. Our brain and emotions are dynamic, constantly changing and shaped by our experiences, our thoughts and our environment.

Mindfulness is a way to control, and ultimately rewire our reactions to all three of these things.
Why is that?

Because we are disconnecting from the automatic involvement in the moment and observing it ‘objectively’.
Doing so takes our life off autopilot and allows us to decide instead how we would like it to be, effectively allowing us to set up new neural pathways and emotional patterns. Our brain and emotions are dynamic, constantly changing and shaped by our experiences, our thoughts and our environment.
 Mindfulness is a way to control, and ultimately rewire our reactions to all three of these things.
Why is that? Because we are disconnecting from the automatic involvement in the moment and observing it ‘objectively’. Doing so takes our life off autopilot and allows us to decide instead how we would  like it to be, effectively allowing us to set up new neural pathways and emotional patterns.

The one thing that has driven men mad is the fact that women tend to gets to know them, develop feelings for them, date them, and committee to them, only to try to change them. And this is where women and men go wrong.

You cannot make a man do certain things nor can you make him following certain habits. All you can do however is to communicate your views, wishes and desires and hope for the best. You also cannot control the thoughts that go through his head, regardless of how determined you are. Do however make requests of him. Do not fall into the category of a manipulator.

There is a warning: There are exceptions to every rule. There are men and women out there who are simple genuine jerks, flakes, wankers, who want to make your life hell. There are men who will forever trapped in their childlike and / or stubborn ways, refusing to expand and grow or even
acknowledge growth.

Women as a whole tend to be more emotional and thoughtful. This drives you insane from over thinking and getting nowhere.

How many times have you tried to pour your heart out to your man, only to have him immediately get defensive and act as if you have accused him of something or rather? He then accuses you of overthinking, over analysing and / or living in the past.

He basically informs you to build a bridge and get over it, and then less-than-respectfully you get a grip?

I know the answer is ‘yes’

The resentment is the result for you as the bridge is built and crossing it countless of times, only for you to realise that every time you cross it, you never left. Causing you, by the build-up of negative
feelings towards that person. You start to develop “why bother” attitude whether you realise it or not.

You have officially developed a state of mind called, NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL OVERLOAD.

No it is not personified version of a computer virus.

It is when your build-up of anger, frustrations and the pain dealing with your man starts to override any and all pleasant thoughts about him. Leaving things uncompleted and undone.

Once this occurs, you lash out for what seems to be no reason, when actually there are real reasons. You become the one who has the problem. Alternatively you may put up an emotional road block, no longer letting him in. You may find yourself becoming mentally unbalanced. You become emotionally distant. He will lose interest and leave,  not caring of the mess he has placed you in.
And his attitude “I don’t know what went wrong” :she is the crazy one” .

Men and women are different. This makes neither right nor wrong – just different. You simply have to embrace that fact. You are two different people. It is that the two of you choose to do with those differences that really matters. You both need to acknowledge and accept those differences
for what they are.

When we become familiar with each other we both begin to expect certain behaviours from one and other. When we do not get what we expect, we in the beginning to see annoyances, even the smallest one.. We expect someone to act in the way we deem normal.

 Over time, we give focus on these differences and quirks, some people seize on them and the relationships start to be in jeopardy, others accept them for who they are and build from those, these relationships succeed, expand and grow.

Men hurt. Men can crumble inside and face the greatest adversities with fear and dread,  if he dares to show it on the outside, he risks his reputation and his standing in the society and community as a whole.

Rather than risk this, many men simply block things out and shut their emotions down.

Example: What happens when a little girl cries?

Hearts break and people rush to their aid, by scooping them up and cuddling them, reassuring them.

                  What happens when a little boy cries?

More often that you realise, they are told to grow up, man up, or walk it off.

From an very early age, our emotions are stifled and taught to us. Can you see how these may create some adverse and relationship – affecting traits?

Many men will simply err on the side of caution and not show any emotions at all. Women become very emotional and always feeling things.

Men, when they had a heated argument usually tries to act as if nothing much has happened and goes to work or about their business or pleasure. It is either that or he stays angry. Which can build up like a pressure cooker. When they approach their family or friends for support, they are heckled and jeered upon.

Women generally want to pull their hair out, have a dam good cry, and possibly even contact their friends or family for a support system.

Conflict generally weighs more on the woman and stick with them longer. Does this make them weak? Hell NO! Not one iota. Try to imagine a man doing that!

The key is a delicate balance of emotional strength and real, human, honest to goodness release. When, Where, How? Herein lies the problem men face every single day.

Women claim that they want a man who is not afraid to show emotion, but many women often shudder when they actually see those things in a man.

Many women believe men are emotionless, unfeeling beings. This is far from the real truth. Men can feel and experience just as much fear and uneasiness as any woman. They can feel heart-wrenching loneliness just as often. The difference is that they were not raised to show that part of them openly. Doing so sends them back to the days of childhood and running to the parent to doctor them. More often the men were not geared to be the ones doing the comforting, not the ones needing to be comforted. Generations of men have been raised and wired this way. They simply cannot help it.

There are absolutely exceptions, the problem lies in trying to be one of the exceptions without being judged or seen as less of a man. It feels like a “can’t win” situation, regardless of which they choose.

Do men become the man we deserve and long for or, do the men what is expected by the majority? The answer is not cut and dry as you might think.

Written 2004

When Class You As TOOOOOOOO Needy

Being too clingy, desperate, and needy is a sure fire way to repel men (even the ones who want to “fix” or “rescue” women), wreck your relationships, and further damage your already fragile self-esteem.

We get clingy and needy because we’re starving for attention and affirmation, and when you’re desperate for those things, you stop spending time building our own life, and simply start scanning for any possible source for a “fix."

I know, that’s drug junkie language. And it fits in this situation, because what you need to do is break your addiction, and get yourself back to good emotional health.

 

Last time I wrote about the “Are You Too Needy“, and this week I’ll show you a few more ways to tackle and defeat neediness once and for all…

Dear MMMMM,

I recently finished a 2 year relationship I know many reasons why I didn’t have the relationship I wanted. Not long after that, I started to see someone new but I also made many mistakes and became needy too quick and now the guy I was seeing won’t call me anymore. This is after him saying he really liked me and being super interested in me. How can I fix that? If I contact him I’m going to look more needy but even though I am living my life and flirting with guys and everything, he won’t ever find out about it because he won’t call. How can I make him chase me now? At this stage if I don’t contact him he will never contact me and he can never notice the change I am going through. – J

 

It sounds counter-intuitive, J, but to have any chance at all, you’ve got to stop focusing on this one guy. I know you’re doing this already, but throw yourself into dating and following your passions — and let him see what a fantastic life you’re living.

 

You don’t have to wait for him to call in order to convince him that you’re happily investing yourself into your life. Post a few teasers (even some photos of you having a blast) on your public profiles, like Facebook, or Instagram. You can even invite him to join you on something you’re planning, but the trick is that you should go no matter what.

 

That way he begins to understand that…

 

a) You’re moving on (in the best kind of way), and

 

b) He will miss out on the awesome if he doesn’t get on board.

 

But listen: it’s not just about convincing him: the real person you need to convince is YOU. Like you said already, you need to go through some serious change. And you’re DEFINITELY not the only one; lots of women struggle with this.

 

Here are a few more ways to stop feeling desperate, and start winning the attention of lots of guys once again: Build Yourself Up1. Work toward your beautiful future.

 

What are your top 3 goals for life right now? Get busy and make a plan for meeting those goals and work your plan. Invest in your passions. Follow your dreams!

 

2. Expand your social network

If you only ever spend time with one or two girlfriends, now is the time to start renewing and expanding your circle of friends, coaches, and mentors.

 

3. Get help where you need it

If you’re stuck, spend some time getting help from a emotionally healthy friend or advisor.

Change Your Dating Approach1. Make a dating plan and timeline

Decide what your goal in dating is going to be. Are you dating for fun or commitment? If the latter, how long are you willing to invest in a particular guy before you determine whether he’s commitment material or not and move on?

 

2. Date lots of guys

I say this all the time because it’s the best possible way to make a man who is really interested in you realize your worth, and understand that other men are going to be competing for your attention. It’s also a good way to learn what you like in a man. You gotta stop putting all your focus on one guy!

 

3. Slow down

When you do start seeing someone, don’t go “all in” so soon. Keep your friends close and don’t stop doing all the other things you’re doing in life. And above all, slow down the pace of communication. Don’t respond to every text, call, or “like” instantly. You have other stuff to do!

 

Showcase Your “New and Improved” Life1. Post some photos and updates on your social profiles

And don’t forget the power of friends, co-workers, and other acquaintances talking about the exciting things you’re doing

 

2. Invite him out (and have a blast!)

It’s completely okay for you to invite a man out. Your best bet is to make it a group outing, and something that has a slight edge of danger to it. Think zip lining, watching a scary movie, go-carts, or anything that gets both your pulses racing.

 

Learn from your mistakes, and move on with fresh confidence

 

Remember, making mistakes doesn’t make you a screw-up. Making mistakes is proof that you’re actively trying. Instead of smacking yourself on the forehead and saying, “What was I thinking?” take a moment to breathe deeply and ask “What was I learning?” instead.

You’re going to be great. Keep working it!

 

The Lesson in life Great Philosphy for the Human Mind

 When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. ...He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

 The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.. 'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car..

The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18 holes or ride 30 miles on your bike. Don't screw around with other people on any level, even sexually. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend, there is no room for cheats and vagabonds in your real life as you need to be creating your life fully without hang ups.